Monster of the Week: Azer

“Give a man a fire, he’s warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he’s warm for the rest of his life” – Sir Terry Pratchett.

This week’s Monster of the Week blog is on FIRE… literally. 

The Azer are residents of the fire plane, which has caused their appearance to deviate from their Dwarven ancestors. They have brass-colored skin with flaming hair and beards, and they wear some badass fireproof kilts made of bronze, copper or brass.  Their skin is extremely hot to the touch, so don’t go in for a hug!

Like the Dwarves, the Azer are a proud race of mastercrafters and miners. They have been called upon throughout history to aid in creating magical items, weapons and art. One of their proudest accomplishments is the City of Brass on the Fire Plane. The Efreet hired the Azer to build this magnificent city, but ultimately betrayed them and attempted to enslave them to protect the city’s secrets. To this day, the Azer and Efreeti are bitter enemies. 

The Efreeti are pretty cool, so we’ll save that juicy info for a later blog!

If you have the “opportunity” to visit the Elemental Plane of Fire, you may find the Azer serving the Fire Giants or living in communities within bronze fortresses, although they can be a rare sight. Unless you’re an Efreeti or happen to flash some gemstones in front of them, you’ll probably be safe from the lawful neutral Azer. If you do cross one, watch out for that Warhammer… It’s got a spicy kick at the end! They don’t have any particular weaknesses, BUT they are shirtless, so their armor class is fairly low. (small favors)

DMs, if your players find their way to the Fire Plane, the Azer is definitely a must have addition to your campaign!

Now we find ourselves at the end of another Monster of the Week… never fear, we’ll see you again next Tuesday. We’re getting good at this schedule thing… you might even say we’re on a… hot streak?

Let us know what monsters you’d like to learn about next!

Check out last week’s monster the week, the Tarrasque!

Monster of the Week: Tarrasque

As a wise man once said; you too will want to kill all your friends with this beast. For this is no normal mammal; a 130 ton killer armadillo-esque kaiju from your worst nightmares… The Tarrasque!!

NeverEnding’s Tarrasque

Well I hope you could stomach that intro because it essentially summarizes the best aspects of the Tarrasque. Wait a second… You’ve never heard of them? I don’t blame you, the Tarrasque is not the most commonly discussed creature in the TTRPG community. (But does it compare to our beloved goblins?… hmm… Nah.)

Kindly ignore the aforementioned armadillo comparison, and focus on the kaiju mental image you’ve created within the recesses of your imagination. The Tarrasque has two giant protruding horns coming off its scalp, but those horns aren’t the only thorny thing about them. They also have a variety of spikes that trail off the back of their body, almost like a Chia pet that wasn’t properly taken care of over the years. Their body is much similar to that of a T-Rex, but if the proportions were actually beneficial to the T-Rex’s survival. What I’m saying is that they have long arms, the kind of arms that could scoop up your familiar and eat them like fresh made 100% natural chicken nuggets. (This is not turning into an ad for a Fast Food Lunch Menu, I swear.)

Now that we know what it looks like…

The Tarrasque doesn’t rely on their eyesight to hunt their prey, this is because they have two beady eyes that are limited to begin with. By default the Tarrasque are blind at birth and have to rely on their own sense of smell to get around. Don’t pity them though, they are natural born killers and have zero remorse for who and what they kill. Definitely try not to get swallowed, you’ll suffer some HEFTY acid damage, not to mention… ew.

Unlike previously discussed monsters of, the Tarrasque isn’t capable of communicating the way Goblins or Beholders do. They are much more grounded in reality in terms of how they function like real mammals; they only eat, sleep, and kill… Only to eat some more. A simple life for a simple beast.

For the DMs.

The Tarrasque is extremely formidable, with the 5e version sitting at a CR of 30 and an armor class of 25! This monster is not for the faint of heart, but it is a great BBEG. If you wanted your players to encounter a Tarrasque at some point in the campaign, you could consider making it a far off terror while they’re at a lower level. A Titan that armies are fighting a world away. They could occasionally hear rumors, or witness the aftermath of its destruction. When they reach a level that might stand a chance (or not, you do you) entice them to join the forces fighting this evil!

That concludes another Monster of The Week blog, tell us how you’ve included a Tarrasque in your campaigns!

For now, take care and let us know who you think should be featured in an up and coming MOTW!

Check out last week’s blog and behold… THE BEHOLDER!

Dear NeverEnding, Kerrigan’s Conundrum

Dear NeverEnding, 

I’m so frustrated!  As a DM, I put a lot of time into preparing for game day.  I read my “Remarkable Inns” book back to back and then prepare detailed notes.  I even do vocal exercises before my guests arrive to make sure that I’m in top shape to do the different voices for my characters! Oftentimes, preparing for a game will take up to a week.  All of this just for my friends to show up with their greasy bags of potato chips to crunch their way through yet another game!  I dearly love them but what can I do to steer them towards a better game experience? I am at my absolute wits end!

Sincerely, 

Kerrigan the Red Bearded Destructress/part time DM 

Multi-Tasking is key.

It’s Sunday and the Mother of Dragons is gonna weigh in on the whole “is it okay for players to eat during a game” debate.  She says an emphatic yes–keep thy strength up during those hours-long campaigns!  Even after a day of tending to her Dothraki villagers, she still has time to prep for Game Day.  Firstly, put on a soothing green tea face mask (self care is key for lady rulers) and then prepare your quiche which can be served at room temp. A game morning brunch is easy to host if each player, er wizard or orc, observes basic manners and brings along another breakfast item such as the avocados or breakfast potatoes as pictured below.  (See how the food adds to the realism of the tavern scene from “Remarkable Inns”?) The meal should fit neatly behind the DM’s screen alongside his or her dice and notes. Helpful hint, use appetizer sized place settings so that everything fits on the table and plastic champagne flutes to pour the magic potion for guests.  Huzzah!

Do you have burning questions for NeverEnding? Ask us in the comments or on Social Media using the hashtag #DearNeverEnding!